The struggle to be the better person

Oh my god.  If I see one more motivational, positivity post about not wishing pain on someone who has harmed you but to wish them healing instead, I’m going to just scream. Be the better person.  That’s great and all.  

The theory is that the person only harmed you because they were in pain themselves.  Right. That may very well be true when dealing with ‘normal’ people, but people with ASPD don’t feel love and don’t feel pain.  They don’t feel much of anything! And inflicting pain is actually a pleasure for them. They LIKE hurting people at best; and are indifferent to it at worst.  Nothing is EVER about other people — the sole focus in on them and what they want.

Of course, the sentiment is really to get one to understand that everybody is going through something, which can cause them to hurt others.  I get that. And normal people do inadvertently cause pain to those they love. People are human, and can be mean and selfish and harm those they care about.  And for those humans, I definitely wish them healing and not pain. In their cases, I want to be the better person.

But for ASPD people?  I am having a hard time with this pain/healing thing.  If someone doesn’t give a damn that they hurt you – and in fact KNEW they would, or set out to hurt you, should you give a damn if they are healing?  They will never be the ‘better’ person.

Knowing this makes it ten times harder for ME to want to be the better person in my current situation. I know, I know.  I should be the better person anyway. Maybe I am just emotionally immature, or spiritually challenged at the moment and around this topic.  And I know that this whole journey is really about MY healing. But, in some ways, isn’t it a form of mental superiority to take the high road and be the better person, when the other person is so damaged?  

I mean, I could run around thinking, he’s an utterly corrupt and broken asshole, but I took the high road.  I wished him healing. Does that really help heal me? Because it most definitely won’t help to heal him. 

I think the next stop in the journey is probably working on acceptance and forgiveness…. LOL