Perspective

What if peace comes with a new perspective?

Events only having the meaning we ascribe to them.  Will a perspective change improve everything for me and help me to create the next chapters in my story in a positive way?

In reality, for the majority of my life, I’ve been mostly upbeat and happy. I think that’s because I’ve usually gone for the silver lining in most clouds in my life.  I’m adventurous and know that every new adventure comes with its challenges. There have only been a few times that I’ve felt that my life was crashing in around me.  In hindsight, something way better has always come after these crashes.

The ending of my relationship with Jay has felt especially devastating to me.  What if I look at it from a different perspective?

The positives in the aftermath of this event have been:

• Freedom!  No more putting Jay first at the expense of my own happiness
• I have myself back; I’m rediscovering who I am
• Less daily anxiety, worry and frustration – the fog I’ve been surrounded by is finally lifting, which is such a relief
• I’ve gotten back to my ideal weight, and I’m getting in tons of walking again
• I’m listening to music again, and loudly.
• I can see a future that is active, and happy, and clear of drama
• I won’t have to watch someone I love drink himself to death (which is a horrifying experience to go through)
• I’m getting clear on my boundaries, at last.
• I’m filled with gratitude for the amazing experiences that the relationship afforded me; especially getting to live in Greece for 4 years.
• I’m filled with gratitude for the wonderful friends, from around the world, that I met while living in Crete – and they are still here for me today.
• I’m filled with gratitude for the wonderful old friends I have, who’ve accepted my return with such grace
• I’m rediscovering my sense of humor

Instead of focusing on what I’ve lost, if I focus on what I’ve gained, can I change my perspective about Jay, our life together, and our relationship?

Here’s the thing — just because Jay’s true colors finally showed up as soon as the pressure was on, I can rest easy in knowing that I literally gave him everything I had to give.  I entered our relationship with an open heart, and an open mind.  Jay had my full support in trying to live his best life.

The fact that he chose to take advantage of me and that support is his problem.  The fact that I let him, is my issue to resolve — and I still feel like I don’t want to change the basic human kindness and love that is a core part of my personality.  For me, it is an issue of developing stronger boundaries and recognizing the signs of ASPD if they present themselves again.

I’m working on perspective – I think finally coming to terms with the fact that my life as I knew it is over has been the most difficult part of this journey so far.