Laziness and Irresponsibility

When someone tells you they are lazy, believe them. I always thought that laziness was simply a result of bad habits. In other words, once you got into the habit of being lazy, it was easier to stay that way, and harder to make any kind of effort to overcome it. And, if you were willing to put in any effort, laziness was temporary.

The definition of Laziness (from Definition.com of course) is:
a disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to do so. It is often used as a pejorative; related terms for a person seen to be lazy include couch potato, slacker, and bludger.

But could it be that laziness is a just a symptom of what the real issue is?
Depression?
ASPD?
Alcoholism?
Fear?
Passive/aggressive communication?
Fear of failure?
Fear of success?

I don’t know.

When a person suffers from both ASPD and alcoholism, the combination can be a killer for all motivation. If their daily needs are met, there is no incentive to improve or change their behavior in any way, in my experience. The issues that cause an alcoholic to self-medicate can end up in laziness and irresponsibility that is not reversible, and in Jay’s case, has. But more than likely, this behaviour is a product of his ASPD.

After being unemployed for the majority of our relationship, when Jay found someone else to support him, we were over. The main reason? His laziness! It is so much easier to trade a wife who has no money left to support you, for one that doesn’t know about all of your issues and is willing to provide a ready roof over your head. Jay is a master at pity-plays, and had his next victim all lined up so that he could make the move. And I am certain that he didn’t tell her that he was leaving me because I couldn’t support him anymore! Rather than work to support us for once, the easy and lazy way to be able to continue his lifestyle was to find someone else to give it to him.

Jay often told me that his university professors used to slam him for wasting his education due to sheer laziness. At the time, I thought that he was probably like most college kids; only putting in an effort in those courses he enjoyed. But, he actually didn’t go to university until he was 27 years old! So his professors were telling a grown man to stop being such a lazy ass. Unbelievable.

I should’ve paid a lot more attention to the message. Lazy turned out to be an understatement. Again and again, I made excuses for him and for his behavior. Mostly because I thought he just needed time to recover from the disaster his life had been – well , that, and because I didn’t actually believe that ANYONE could be that lazy!! Just give him time; he’ll work through it and start to pitch in.

The reality was that he just did not give a damn. Jay spent his days in front of his computer, playing video games, watching porn and drinking himself into a hardcore problem with alcohol. It definitely affected how I viewed him and our relationship.

But his laziness took other things from him as well. Jay was a ‘musician.’ He loved music and playing his guitar. At one time, we had over 15 guitars in the house. We built a little recording area for him, but none of the gear was up to his standards. He was serious about turning his hobby into something real! I was so excited and happy that he finally found something he wanted to do. We found a professional recording studio, and thinking maybe we could kill 2 birds with one stone, I asked him to apply for a job there.

He agreed! Just one problem though – the studio was a couple of towns away, and he would need a car because of the irregular hours. So, I bought him a nice little convertible. And then the studio decided not to hire him. That was the end of his recording career, since he would never step foot in the place again. And now we had another car payment to make.

What I’ve learned looking back, is that nothing captures Jay’s attention or imagination for very long. He wouldn’t apply any effort — if something didn’t come easy and immediately, it was completely eliminated without a second thought. His laziness in this regard applied to every business I ever setup for him (and unfortunately there was more than one). It applied to friendships, and responsibilities that most grownups just know makes their lives easier if they take care of resolving. He was even too lazy to take care of personal hygiene or his health. His passport expired, his prescriptions expired, etc. And some really big things came back to bite him hard because he was just too lazy to take care of them when he should’ve. His irresponsibility was coupled with lack of focus, forgetfulness, procrastination, and poor decision making, which caused others (including me) to simply think that he was untrustworthy and that he didn’t care about anything. Classic ASPD.

So why did I agree to sell everything and move to Greece with Jay? Because I still believed in him and still had blinders on. This was his biggest dream! Of course he would work hard for it. LOL LOL That is a story for another day, but suffice it to say, it didn’t work out at all like I hoped it would.

Was Jay’s laziness caused by depression or fear? I’m no expert, but after my experience with him, I don’t think so. His alcoholism may have had a role to play in his depression, but his laziness and irresponsibility have been a life-long problem. I also know that he is just not capable of caring about how his behavior affects himself, or anyone else for that matter.

Has laziness and irresponsibility affected your life? Do you know anyone in your life with problems that they’ve created for themselves simply due to laziness?