Category Archives: ASPD

Did I just completely miss that he was unhappy?

ASPD, My Story, Your Mind

If you had asked me in January if Jay was happy, I would’ve said that overall, yes, he was happy — we were just in a rough patch due to our financial situation, which resulted in us being apart temporarily.  But looking back, maybe not. Being in a relationship with a deeply emotionally unavailable person is difficult on more levels than I ever imagined.  Add in a personality disorder, and it is impossible to understand their feelings on more than a surface level, mostly because they never […]

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Am I a hypocrite?

ASPD, Daily Living, My Story, Your Mind

I have had to take a deep look at myself and my own behavior in my relationship with Jay. Here’s what troubles me the most. I wanted to help Jay to overcome deep seated issues that I wasn’t qualified to deal with — I thought with enough love, support and understanding, he could become the person that I knew he was deep inside.  Get that?  Do you see all of the I statements above? I mean, I still have excuses and justifications for this behavior on my […]

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Cognitive Dissonance in Relationships with ASPD partners

ASPD, General, My Story

Just a reminder – I am not a professional mental health expert.  As with everything on this site, the following is based on my own, deeply personal experience. I only came to fully realize that I was involved with, and married to, a partner with ASPD during the discard phase of our relationship. Because of the way it ended, I started looking for any information that I could find that would help with my own mental health.  ASPD checked almost all of the boxes in terms of […]

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The struggle to be the better person

ASPD, My Story

Oh my god.  If I see one more motivational, positivity post about not wishing pain on someone who has harmed you but to wish them healing instead, I’m going to just scream. Be the better person.  That’s great and all.   The theory is that the person only harmed you because they were in pain themselves.  Right. That may very well be true when dealing with ‘normal’ people, but people with ASPD don’t feel love and don’t feel pain.  They don’t feel much of anything! And inflicting pain […]

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Laziness and Irresponsibility

ASPD, Daily Living

When someone tells you they are lazy, believe them. I always thought that laziness was simply a result of bad habits. In other words, once you got into the habit of being lazy, it was easier to stay that way, and harder to make any kind of effort to overcome it. And, if you were willing to put in any effort, laziness was temporary. The definition of Laziness (from Definition.com of course) is: a disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to do so. It […]

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Taking Responsibility and ASPD

ASPD

What does taking responsibility mean in the context of a relationship with a sociopath, narcissist or person with ASPD? An alcoholic or someone who is mentally ill? Where I struggle with all of the personal responsibility gurus and their messages is when they tell you if you would just take personal responsibility for your part in what happened, you’ll get better. While that sounds right on the surface, how do you take responsibility for being manipulated? For what you didn’t know? For the fact that you’ve never […]

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